Somedays, It Just Pours Out

Really, it does. Sometimes, inspiration can just allow your creativity to pour out of you. I am property sitting this week while my boys are at home. Where am I property sitting? The NC coast. My friends own cottages and I am property sitting their little location of six.

Lucky gal? Yes, I am. I am even luckier, because every single time I visit here, I write a new book. Seriously. I don’t think it would work the same way if I lived here,  but I don’t know.  Could it be that I am away and not having to deal with day-to-day life? Laundry, cooking, cleaning, school, PTA, etc.? No clue. But I am betting that without worrying I am allowing myself to enter a state of Flow.

That is what my friends John and Scott would tell me. That I had entered a state of Flow and was letting pure thought, energy and creativity shine through. Guess it is time to take myself off to the bookstore to pick it up.

If I knew I could keep this level of work up, I would have thrown my hat into NaNoWriMo this year. But, at this point, I am not sure that it’s possible. There is a lot on my plate. I have this blog, that I neglect something fierce at times, my other blog A Daily Pinch, PR work for a non-profit that is starting in Richmond and work for a friends non-profit in Wilmington. To top it off, I had a reader ask me if I would do a budget Christmas newsletter for A Daily Pinch. So, after an email survey, I am also working on that!

At least I am writing. It may not all be picture books, but I am keeping myself sharp. That’s a good thing.

Biting the bullet.

I did it. I bit the bullet. Today, I submitted my first picture book to a literary agency. I still can’t believe that I finally did it. I have at least a dozen picture books that are essentially written. They just need editing and adjustment.

Why so many? Well, I just leave them alone. They need time away from me. I need time away from them. From my characters. I have to let them stew, develop, and then rest. I need the rest. When it is something that is so close to you–after all, it comes from you–it needs a break. I let this book in particular rest on and off for nearly a year.

What was my reasoning? Simple. I let it pour out of me, like water from a jug. It was fast, pure, clean and simple. It scares me. After I finally admitted that I truly wanted to be a writer and not play at it, ideas just came. When I admitted my passion, I cried.  Then, I prayed. It was simple. If I do the work, please help me with my idea stream. As long as I am working, the ideas keep pouring out of me. God works wonders.

Am I expecting much? For a first submission? I would love for it to be accepted. However, I am also a realist. Maybe I will receive good feedback from the agents, even if my book is not a good “fit” for them.  Constructive criticism can never hurt, as long as you realize that it is constructive.

That being said, I am off to take a walk. Clear my head and work on a PR campaign for a new non-profit that I am on the Board of Directors for. More about that later.

Not blogging much…

That’s a good thing, right? It means that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, writing. Which is always soothing for the soul. I head over to my favorite jazz channel, start streaming and let the words flow. It’s peaceful. Soothing. It helps me…well, I don’t know how to describe it, but it works for me.

I think I am almost there. At that point when I have to say enough is enough and start shopping my book. I am terrified. It’s something that we all have to go through, but don’t you wish there was a magic wand that you could wave and say “abracadabra, kalamazoo, here is a book deal for you!”. That would take away the most important part of the writing process…actual producing a quality piece of work.

Well, I am off to open my file, print  and cut it into little pieces to make sure it’s “fits”.

Well, since your not doing anything…

The only thing I really wanted to say under this post was AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

I have been trying to get my writing schedule back on track. Not easy when you are receiving a million phone calls per day.  How many times have I heard “well, your just writing” or “it’s not like it’s that hard”.

How many times do we have these life interruptions as writers? The only people that do get it are other writers. If you tell them you are writing, I don’t care if they were just offered a six-figure advance after a bidding war, they aren’t going to disturb you and interrupt your groove.

I can’t turn my phones off due to my son being in school. But I think there is going to have to be an email sent out saying “I will be working during these times, please only call me if it’s a life or death emergency. Breaking a fingernail, needing to know a shoe repair person, or your highlights sucking do not qualify.”

Any ideas on how to handle this with grace and dignity with alienating everyone I know?

Sitting On It

Have you ever just sat on it? No, I am not talking about your duff. Your manuscript? Mine was sitting for more than 7 months due to the insanity that has been 2009 to date. Now? Sitting again. Why? I need to edit it. For content, clarity, etc.

So, what am I doing right now? Sitting here, antsy as all get out. It’s driving me slightly mad. I feel like a Queen song. However, I know myself well enough that if I were to start editing now, I would take what I consider to be a really good project and change it into something I don’t recognize. I would also question myself in negative ways. “Why do I write? What did I do to convince myself that I am a writer?”

I am pumping myself up to start work on my new project, but it’s a little more complicated. It’s a series for Young Readers and right now, I am in outline mode.  Did I ever mention that I despise outlining? Whenever I wrote a paper for college, I actually had to write the paper and then go back and do things in the order assigned by my professors. I realize I don’t make things easy on myself!

Rambling again. This means it is time to stop for  now.

Writer’s Market

I love the Writer’s Market. If you aren’t a writer, you won’t understand. But there is something exciting about that box arriving knowing it contains a tome that is full of delicious goodies. I will make a pot of tea, break out my highlighter, sit down and find Nirvana…if only temporarily. 

This year I ordered the 2010 Writer’s Market and Children’s Market and anxiously await their arrival. The smell of fresh ink on paper. The heft of it’s weighty goodness. 

<sigh>

I am a writer…life is good.

The Finishing Touches

Have you ever gotten to a point in a book when the only thing you have to do is tie a few loose ends together? That is where I am at right now. Loose ends. Frankly, they have been known to drive me nuts on many different levels…

I have a few loose ends I am tying up. It’s more like cohesion and flow. Story arc. All of those things that when they go together well, make your story come to life.  I am breathing life into my story.  

How do I feel knowing I am going to be at this point soon? That the ultimate decision comes soon? When I send it out. I have wondered if I need to sit on it.  However, this one particular one I have been sitting on for 7 months due to my previously mentioned family issues. It’s what caused a massive rewrite for me. 

This entire post is so scattered and not very cohesive, but I guess it’s because I have so much on my mind. When will I get that first letter. What will it say. How will they react? 

I don’t know…but I tell you one thing, no matter what they say, I will read them with joy. I jumped over my fear and sent a book out. It’s a good feeling to know that time is almost here.

Quick note…

A vacation can be a great thing. For me, it has been fantastic. My block is gone and I have essentially rewritten the last book I was working on over the last few days. I still have some changes here and there….but I am feeling so much better about myself, my writing and things in general.

Thank you for being there. Ya’ll know who you are.

Fantastic Blog on Structure

This is a fab blog post on structure by Lady Glamis. I will delve into it later, but please enjoy.
http://theinnocentflower.blogspot.com/2009/06/string.html

Confidence In Writing

Ok. Here goes. Shamelessness on my part. I write well. In fact, when I was taking a college communications course last year, my professor asked me why I was on a psychology/sociology track and not writing. Well, at the time, I hadn’t had that big “ah-ha” moment. 

To re-cap, I was on vacation last summer. This little old Jewish lady with ice-blue eyes that could see right through you asked me what I did. I explained that I was a full-time mother, a college student, worked with the local literacy council, was on PTA, etc. She asked “What do you want to do?” and I told her I taking college courses so that I could counsel. Shirley then said said “No, What do you really want to do with your life?” and I blurted out, I want to be a writer. It was so pure, so organic. This confession came from deep within my soul. I went back to my cottage on the beach and cried for two hours. I finally felt like I was being truly honest with myself.

Flash forward one year. As I sit here on my sofa, trusty laptop underneath my fingertips, I realize I have a problem. I have a self-confidence issue. A huge one. I am a children’s book writer. Most people call it fluff writing. It’s also much more difficult than anything I have ever written. But, I am not taken seriously. I don’t expect to become famous. I would love nothing more than to see my name on the cover of a book and know that I wrote it.

However, what would make happier than anything? For a kid to “get it” from one of my books. What do I mean by “get it”? I volunteer with out local literacy council helping children in 2nd grade what are at risk of failing the End Of Grade testing in 3rd grade with their reading comprehension. We read once a week for most of the school year and there is a point when they “get it”. You see it on their faces. They light up and all of a sudden, they are breezing through higher levels of books and actually wanting to take AR tests to meet their reading goal.

I want to write the books that makes “my kids” get it.

Because even if I haven’t read with every child in the world–and they can be anywhere in the world–I learn what they like. What they want. How they like to read. When they are frustrated. It’s a beautiful thing to be involved in–influencing and helping a young mind grow and help them develop a thirst for learning. 

I don’t have a lot of self-confidence. Period. I may put on a good act, but it’s more out of fear and the appearance of being in control. I am working with my therapist on my self-confidence, but there are years worth of issues that I am taking hold of. 

Therefore, I am holding myself back. I will have my books–children’s and otherwise are pretty much complete, but they will still need a little extra and I just can’t seem to get that last little bit in there. Maybe I am afraid that I won’t be able to finish them. Maybe I am afraid I won’t ever have another good idea. Maybe I am no good.

Could it be that I am a narcissist?  Is this blog, that I consider my writing therapy, really a narcissistic avenue for my own insecurities. My husband said it’s “prosaic” and considers this to be my diary. But really, it’s all about my confidence-the confidence I have and the confidence I lack. It’s hard to reconcile within me, yet I know that I have to.

I was asked recently on my Twitter account  ”Well, how can I help? Its so important that U share UR gifts…pls let me try &help….we all need more writers of great words. Thanks”  by someone who is not your average run of the mill person. This person had inquired “What would do this weekend and Monday if you were not afraid?”. So, I said send a query or manuscript out to publishers and agents.

But I don’t want to feel like I am taking advantage of this person. It is so kind of them and I truly appreciate this offer of generosity and kindness. But, at the same time, I am not someone who has ever asked for anything, ever. They have offered to send me the name of publishers and agents. But, what about my own merit? Or do I look at this as a genuine act of kindness and generosity and owe thanks to my creator for? This person wants to help me get past my insecurity and I have no idea as to how to define it or to even state what I need. Is it a mentor? Is it someone to read my work that has experience doing this type of thing that would give me honest, constructive, criticism? 

*sigh* I have no idea. But I promised an answer in a couple of days and I have a multitude of things to ponder.